This piece ran in my Mind, Body, Spirit column on 10/26/07.  I entitled it “Living in Methamphetamine’s Wake” but it was published as “Why Get Healthy?”  For this submission I’ve revised it to omit the names of other people and places.  Parts of this are excerpts from my book’s prologue.    

 

 

Living in Methamphetamine’s Wake

 

 

Health Magazine recently sponsored a contest that invited its readers to respond to the following question:

 

“What made you want to get healthy–and what are you doing to make it happen?”

 

Below is an extended version of my response:

 

I survived methamphetamine addiction.  It wasn’t my addiction that plowed through every facet of my health–it was my son’s.  It devastated me emotionally, spiritually, and physically. 

 

 

I lost my son to meth.  Oh, he’s not dead.  Not yet.  But he’s a dead man walking, and believe me, some things are worse than death.  Far worse.  Hell’s sucking him in to be sure, and the undertow has pulled me under quite a few times too.  The last ten years are deeply etched with unrecoverable losses. 

 

 

Most people never go through in a lifetime the tragedies I’ve experienced in a week.  That fact alone puts me in a minority, and finding others that can truly empathize have to be sought out.  This creates a terrible feeling of aloneness, and more often than not cripples me with grief. 

 

 

But life wasn’t always like this.  There was a time when the four of us–my husband, my stepdaughter, my son and I–were a whole family instead of a broken one.  We laughed instead of cried.  We worshiped God together instead of struggled with our faith.  We loved instead of hated.  We faced life together instead of with an empty space.  We all slept at night instead of wondering if one of us was alive. 

 

 

My husband and I didn’t bring this lot in life upon ourselves.  We work hard, worship the triune God, and serve others.  We raised our children to do the same, and taught the virtues of responsibility, accountability, and gratefulness.  We didn’t turn a blind eye or deaf ear to the wrong-doings of our children. 

 

 

I can hardly remember what it was like to have a child who didn’t embrace rebellion, drugs, evil and deceit.  As a mother who constantly hugged and kissed her son, who was a compassionate, loving little boy with blonde curls, I now can’t remember the last time I even touched him.  But this is my life now, and it always will be, no matter what happens to him.  I will never be the same. 

 

 

I’ve always been drawn to the homeless on the streets.  Ironically, my husband, my son and I used to go to the local night shelter downtown with his Boy Scout troop and make food for the homeless.  There were so many of them, and I always wondered how they got in that position.  What were their stories?  At one time they were precious newborn babies.  Were they loved?  Were they abused?  I especially pondered the history of the ones who were obvious drug users.  What about their mothers?  Somewhere, these people have mothers, even if they’re in the grave.  Is there someone somewhere who loves them?  How did their lives ever come to this?

 

I never dreamed my son would show me just how a life can come to that place of destitution.  The only child I ever bore showed me how it can happen.  I became that mother I often wondered about.  It’s one’s worst nightmare come true. 

 

 

We can’t change my son–we’ve tried numerous times–and that’s another story.  Our experiences confirm that one can’t save someone who doesn’t want saving. 

 

 

After stress took its toll on my health in 2003, I realized that the one thing I could do was change the way I react to his choices.  I can only save myself.  Life’s always about choices. 

 

 

Although not always easy, every day I choose to nurture each facet my of my health in the following ways:

 

 

1.  Mental

Seek peace and joy in everyday life.  Perspective is a choice.  Depression is inevitable, but wallowing in it wastes away precious God-given days.  I envision the emotionally healthy person I want to be, then act as if I am that person–positive thinking breeds positive results.  Also, focusing on others distracts from personal problems and is much more productive. 

 

 

2.  Physical

Maintain an exercise routine no matter what. Daily exercise for 30 minutes or more clears the mind, relieves stress, improves sleep, and firms the body.

 

 

3.  Spiritual

Remain firm in religious beliefs.  Period.  Remember that the facts of faith are constant and human beings are fickle.  Stay rooted in faith and forgo the distration of vacillating feelings. 

 

 

I hope that sharing my response to Health’s contest question inspires readers to ask themselves:

 

“What makes me want to get healthy–and what am I doing to make it happen?”